It's almost show time. I can't believe I have to sit back and watch Slammo destroy the Jamboree. Everything I've worked so hard for! Do I call Keaton? FLAZZLESNACKS! I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a place that's as hard as a rock... like, maybe, another rock. Like I'm stuck between two rocks, really. Except one rock looks like a robot and one looks like a cricket.

My little heart trembles at the sound of those crickets! What makes that noise, anyway? Their teeth chattering together? Their wings? They're really scary. They remind me of those things in that movie where those evil creatures mimicked what humans looked like but then would swoop in and eat them. I think it had Oscar winner Mira Sorvino in it. I think it was called "Imitators."

Anyway, I really need to figure out how to get my show back... Before Slammo has us both out on our tushies looking for new jobs. I won't go back to my bathrobe, down-and-out helium addiction days! I WON'T, I TELL YA!

This is terrible!

My cute face still hurts – not to mention my cuddly pride – from those mean crickets! I can't believe Slammo would stoop so low! I mean, I guess I can believe it, but still! What a jerk!

I'm not even sure what to do... I can't get back into the basement to ensure a successful episode of Jamboree, but I can't really tell Keaton I allowed Slammo to gain control of the show with a group of renegade crickets! I could get fired! And then who would help John and Jane Q. Public decide what to watch on their boob-tube?

For now I'm going to lay low and stay out of trouble. I can hear some weird sounds coming from the Jamboree set. It's either gunfire or fireworks... and either way I don't want to be anywhere near it! I'm highly flammable!

Howdy, folks!

Just an update to let you know that the Jamboree set is almost back to pre-Boner perfection. We've been working night and day to get everything in tip-top-tastic shape! And we even have a few new surprises for you!

I'm really excited for these last few episodes... and my delightfully lovely special friend at Keaton has been so great... one of my favorite new parts of the show was totally her idea! It's GOLDEN! You'll see!

Yay!

Flazzlesnacks. I can't believe the mess Boner left behind. To be fair, I guess it wasn't his fault. A UFO has to land somewhere... and I can't believe I met a real space alien! I wish he would have stayed longer so I could ask him about his home planet. Where is it? What is it called? Are there space bunnies there? I'd love to meet a space bunny.

I've been talking with my sweet, special friend at Keaton and I think we'll have the show back on track soon...

As for Slammo, I'm starting to think he may be more of a problem than a solution for my return to superstardom. I think I've done everything I could to make him part of the Jamboriffic magic of the show. Now it's time to look out for numero uno. That's me, silly!

Things are looking a little bit brighter.

I've been spending time with Ms. Keaton. She and I had dinner last night and it was magical! We talked about TV Jamboree, and we talked about my vaudeville days, and we went for a long walk under a full moon, and we held hands, and then she took me back to her apartment and then... well... a gentleman puppet never makes sweet, sweet love and tells! That's just tacky!

Ms. Keaton makes me feel like all things are possible. Sure, maybe Slammo killed Mr. Trunkalump. And yeah, maybe he talked those crazy crickets into thinking I hate them or something. But with my lovely lady by my side, everything is gonna be okay.

Don'cha just love LOVE?

I am so sad right now... my fingers can barely type this.

Mr. Trunkalump was one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world. And now he is dead. And Slammo needs to pay for what he's done.
But how? I'm an entertainer, not a fighter... he would definitely win in a bare-knuckle brawl. But there are other ways to make him pay. I just need to figure out what those ways are.

For now, revenge will have to wait. But poetry won't:

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Mr. Trunkalump

I miss you.

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I'll get you Slammo

If it's the last thing I do.

Can you taste my salty tears when I kiss you?

I can't believe we had to be interrogated after our last show! This is all Slammo's fault, of course. That robot has been nothing but a pain in my Astroturf since day one! Maybe he'll figure out that his NEW orders are to try to be as Jamboriffic as I am and to make Keaton Transworld successful in their mission to entertain!

So, anyway, I spoke with an executive after our "meeting" (I think she may even be related to Harper Keaton, founder of Keaton Transworld! How awesumptious is that?!). She was really sweet and I think we were TOTALLY on the same page. We talked about lots of stuff... the show, me on the show, kittens, clouds... all my favorite things! I think she totally gets me and recognizes my charisma and stage presence. Did I mention she has the cutest laugh? No? Well, she does!

Also... Mr. Trunkalump, my elephantastic pal, is here! We've been rehearsing with all his furry friends and our next episode of Jamboree is going to be AMAZING! Seriously, folks! Tune in!

Today we shot our first test footage for the TV Jamboree! They brought in cameras and everything! It was so exciting!

Of course, things could have gone a bit better. I MAY have missed my first cue (it's been a while, okay?) and MAYBE Slammo ended up lighting the Jamboree set on fire... but still... I think this show is gonna be great!

I also noticed an old tank of helium in the stack of junk I pushed against the wall. Not sure how I missed that the first time... not that it matters... I mean... well... whatever. Anyway, I'm gonna go talk with an executive from Keaton Transworld and let her know how sorry I am about everything. I just got this gig... I can't afford to lose it! And I won't let Slammo ruin it for me, either!

For the record, I am WAY funnier than Slammo. Just saying!

Hey everybody! Welcome to my digitastic diary! This is where I write about all the super neat-o stuff going on with TV Jamboree... and me! I love writing to my fans! And I love exclamation marks!

So this week we've been working hard on getting the Jamboree set up to snuff. The Keaton executives have been really hands-off, which I think is because they respect my artistic vision so much. I AM a superstar, after all. Well... I was. And will be again.

From what I can tell about our Super Sexy Interstellar TV Jamboree, Slammo and I are supposed to talk about TV shows. We let you, our fans, know what's cool to watch every week. It's weird, though... no one at Keaton is really giving us scripts or anything. In fact, they haven't even suggested what clips to pick. I mean, shouldn't this all be part of a large media ad buy or something? Have I mentioned I know how to juggle puppies?

Slammo is never really around. He wanders in, complains about something, growls at me, then leaves. I hope his attitude improves once we get this show on the road! Not that we're going anywhere... it's just an expression, silly!

I'll write again soon! I can't wait to bring a Sloshie-sized burst of joy into your homes!