Today we shot our first test footage for the TV Jamboree! They brought in cameras and everything! It was so exciting!

Of course, things could have gone a bit better. I MAY have missed my first cue (it's been a while, okay?) and MAYBE Slammo ended up lighting the Jamboree set on fire... but still... I think this show is gonna be great!

I also noticed an old tank of helium in the stack of junk I pushed against the wall. Not sure how I missed that the first time... not that it matters... I mean... well... whatever. Anyway, I'm gonna go talk with an executive from Keaton Transworld and let her know how sorry I am about everything. I just got this gig... I can't afford to lose it! And I won't let Slammo ruin it for me, either!

For the record, I am WAY funnier than Slammo. Just saying!

I've got ants in my pants! It's almost show time! I am so excited my cute little heart feels like it might explode all over your faces!

The TV Jamboree set is finished, and I think it looks pretty spifftacular! It DID take me almost a week to stack all the junk lying around this basement against a wall, but it's done! Hooray!

I should mention the basement getting cleaned up would have gone a lot faster if Slammo had helped. The last time he was here he asked me for five dollars. When I said no he gave me a wedgie and then took all my money. What is his problem, anyway?

OH... I forgot to mention... Mr. Trunkalump is coming! I am so excited! You'll all meet him and his world famous Cavalcade of Carefree soon enough! I love those guys!

Did someone just call five minutes? Places? Oh, I am so excited!

Alright, so Sloshie tells me that my contract with Keaton Transworld says I have to write these damn things. Maybe I shoulda read those contracts. Of course, if I want out I always have the "I'll kick your ass clause" at the ready. Pansies.

So, for my first formal entry, I'd like to talk a little about what it was like to be locked in a basement with Sloshie for more than 20 years:

Imagine, if you can, sharing a room with a bunny. But this bunny can talk. And when it talks, razor blades fly out of its rabid little mouth and slice your eyeballs open. Then, this asshole bunny giggles and pees into the open slits. And while you writhe around on the ground with bunny acid pee in your razor-slit eyes, the bunny starts smearing crap all over you. And then it hops on you. And juggles puppies.

So yeah, you may say I've learned to hate Sloshie. I should have killed him while I had the chance.

Uhm... yeah, so, whatever. What kind of retarded losers read this internet crap, anyway? Wake me up when the Nazis invade America. Fuck this.

Hey everybody! Welcome to my digitastic diary! This is where I write about all the super neat-o stuff going on with TV Jamboree... and me! I love writing to my fans! And I love exclamation marks!

So this week we've been working hard on getting the Jamboree set up to snuff. The Keaton executives have been really hands-off, which I think is because they respect my artistic vision so much. I AM a superstar, after all. Well... I was. And will be again.

From what I can tell about our Super Sexy Interstellar TV Jamboree, Slammo and I are supposed to talk about TV shows. We let you, our fans, know what's cool to watch every week. It's weird, though... no one at Keaton is really giving us scripts or anything. In fact, they haven't even suggested what clips to pick. I mean, shouldn't this all be part of a large media ad buy or something? Have I mentioned I know how to juggle puppies?

Slammo is never really around. He wanders in, complains about something, growls at me, then leaves. I hope his attitude improves once we get this show on the road! Not that we're going anywhere... it's just an expression, silly!

I'll write again soon! I can't wait to bring a Sloshie-sized burst of joy into your homes!